Yesterday, we had four Afghani students (two girls, two boys) from Kabul join us for our Contemporary India classroom discussion. Honestly, it had nothing to do with Contemporary India but it was one of the best classes all semester. We were able to get together with the students because they were from another program that our Professor is involved with. We sat in a circle and had a discussion about a variety of topics, but it was more us asking them questions rather than the other way around.
Naturally, our first questions were about their feelings towards Americans, the USA in general, and the war. Student A explained that generally Afghanis had a good opinion of the West and the USA but in areas with more fighting etc. the opinions were more mixed, which is to be expected. Student A and B (the boys) explained that sometimes when they go home late at night, there will be a few officers/soldiers telling them they can’t enter the area because there is fighting going on. They have to just go home earlier or wait until the fighting is over to go home. They said it usually ends after 2-3 hours and then life goes back to ‘normal’. I think their idea of normal is a little different than mine. They can hear the fighting from inside their homes, they see it on television every day and night. The Taliban will pay a visit to the restaurant they went to last night or the shopping mall they frequent. But it always goes back to ‘normal’ a few days later. Things get cleaned up and they’ll still go back to eat at the restaurant or go shopping at the mall. Student C added that during holidays they don’t go outside to celebrate. They have to celebrate inside because they don’t feel safe.
When asked about their interactions with US troops, I was surprised to hear that Student B is Facebook friends with some of our soldiers. Talk about cross-cultural friendships. Student B explained that in his village there are a few thousand US soldiers, 500 Turkish soldiers and 300 French soldiers. Student A added that when he was in younger years of schooling, some of the US soldiers visited his school to talk to the students. I thought this was really nice that there is friendly interaction between our troops and the general population in Afghanistan. It’s hard to picture what really happens in a conflict area, so it was interesting to hear more about their day-to-day interactions and experiences with the war. Of course we asked what they thought would happen in 2014 when our troops start getting pulled out. Student B said that when that happens, the Taliban’s main priority will be to topple the government and try to get back to the way things were in 1996/1997. The main thing to look for will not be the military transition but the smoothness of the political transition, he explained, and whether it will be a truly democratic government. He said Afghanistan cannot afford to have elections like 2009 again. I guess the whole world will be holding their breath to see what happens in 2014. Well, those of us who follow the news anyways!
So, have their perceptions of the conflict changed at all since coming to study in India? Student B explained that while living in Kabul, he was very ‘tit-for-tat’ about the conflict. “If they do something to us,” he explained, “we should do something back to them”. But now that he is living in India, he realizes how tired he is and just hopes for good news. He said that he checks BBC News every morning before he does anything else. “We want peace. We have suffered enough. I really want to see something good.” He wants to see news of reconciliation talks and dreams of being able to travel through the country without any problems. I really can’t even imagine what it would be like if your home was in the middle of a battlefield.
All of us girls were very interested to hear about what it was like to live in Afghanistan as a woman. However, they more or less evaded the question. Student C said that women have a lot of opportunities—even more than men. Especially with scholarships, women will get chosen first, she said. Then Student A jumped in to say that was only because she lived in Kabul and that the villages were still very backwards and experiencing problems such as illiteracy, violence against women, and child marriage. When asked about marriage, Student C said that in the villages girls are married around age 14-16 and in the cities it’s usually 20-22 years. We also asked about arranged marriages and they said this is the most common practice in Afghanistan. The bride and groom meet on the day of the wedding and that’s that. Their families arrange everything. When asked if they would have an arranged marriage, Student C said she would prefer a ‘love marriage’ but Student D said she’d prefer an arranged marriage. This was funny seeing as Student C seemed more conservative and kept her head covered while Student D was dressed more Western and did not have a head covering. She explained that when she goes back to Afghanistan, she’ll have to cover her head not because of her family but because of society. They did mention that families are getting less strict about marrying at an early age. This is because of situations like Student C’s cousin-sister who got married before she finished her education and then had no way to provide for her children when her husband died in a bomb blast. So now education is a priority before marriage for most progressive families. When asked how many children they would have, Student C commented that “we don’t have a population problem, so number of children is not an issue”—poking fun at our Indian professor and his country’s booming population.
We wrapped up the conversation by talking about Afghanistan’s culture in general and any interesting traditions they have. They told us about Afghani hospitality. They told us that when you’re in disagreement with someone, they will invite you to their home and offer you tea and food. If you eat and drink, all is good between you. If you do not, then you remain in disagreement. In more extreme cases where you seek revenge, the offender sacrifices a sheep or goat on your doorstep to seek forgiveness. He also told a story from years ago of a traveler who received the gift of a special scarf from a tribesman which put this traveler under the protection of this tribe wherever they went throughout the country. At the end, Student B joked about how whenever he tells someone he is from Afghanistan, their first reaction is to ask him if he has read or seen The Kite Runner. He explained that reading that book does not give you any authority whatsoever on Afghanistan. He did, however, suggest reading A Thousand Splendid Suns instead because it’s a better depiction of Afghani life and culture.
We only had 1.5 hours so we learned as much as we could about each other in the time provided. They asked similar questions about the USA, our perceptions of Afghanistan, and whether or not we had ethnic groups in our country. This one kind of took us off guard considering America is a melting pot and all but I guess they wouldn’t really know what our country is like if they’ve never been there. In the end, it was incredibly interesting to speak with them and I’m really glad we had the opportunity to actually interact with them considering how little we really know about Afghanistan even though we’ve read so much about it in the news.
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